


The Perks of Dating a Bat

by pupeez4eva



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Bat Family, Humor, M/M, The bats and their red-heads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 08:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14870483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: “But don’t let it scare you off,” Wally continued. “Sure, he’ll seem like he wants to kill you at first, but just remember this — Batman doesn’t kill. So you won’t actually die. You might be injured — severely injured even — but you won’t die.”(Wally gives Colin some advice on dating a Bat).





	The Perks of Dating a Bat

“So, now that you’re dating a Bat, I think that you need to hear this.”

 

Colin nodded his head. He didn’t really think he needed any advice on dating Damian, because he knew what Damian was like, and he knew what he was doing, and he also knew that he was _very_ happy about what he was doing. But he didn’t want to seem like he was being rude, especially since Wally was dating Damian’s older brother, so he decided that going along with it was probably the best thing to do. Besides, he still had plenty of time before he was supposed to meet Damian for lunch. He’d showed up at the manor, and then Damian had sent him a text, asking Colin to meet him at the new ice-cream place they’d been planning on going to, instead of at his house like Colin had thought. He’d been preparing to leave when Wally had intercepted him, asking if he could talk to him. Colin hadn't want to sound rude by saying no — and besides, he was really early anyway — so he’d agreed.

 

“Right,” Wally said, grinning, “I’m kind of the expert on Bat-dating, what with Dick and I doing it for so long. And it’s great, right?”

 

Colin nodded again. Dating Damian wasn't really  _that_ different from being friends with Damian, but it meant they could now do things like kiss and hold hands, and  _that_ was pretty great in his opinion. Plus, boyfriend-Damian was way more cuddly than friend-Damian, which was an added bonus.

 

“Yeah, those Bats are brilliant…well Dick is anyway. Bats himself is kind of terrifying, and then there’s Jason, who’s just…Jason. Tim’s pretty cool though, and Cass and Steph…Barbara’s cool but she’s also kind of scary in a way…Damian is…uh…”

 

Colin frowned and Wally backtracked.

 

“Right, so, here’s the advice — you’re going to have to deal with an overprotective dad.”

 

Colin considered this and then nodded his head. He knew that already. Damian liked to act like this big grown up who didn’t need anyone to look after him, but the truth was, everyone liked to look after him. He was the baby of the family, after all. Also, Batman was _terrifying_ and Colin had been dreading telling him about his and Damian’s relationship for a while now.

 

“But don’t let it scare you off,” Wally continued. “Sure, he’ll seem like he wants to kill you at first, but just remember this — Batman doesn’t kill. So you won’t actually die. You might be injured — severely injured even — but you won’t die.”

 

“What?!” Colin yelped. “Did that happen to you?!” 

 

“No,” Wally replied. “But I did have nightmares about it happening, if that counts.”

 

Colin relaxed slightly and settled back into the couch. 

 

Wally shrugged. “Yeah, Bats is terrifying, and kind of possessive over his kids, so expect a bit of backlash. It’ll be over before you know it, and I’m sure he’ll love you.”

 

“Does he love you?”

 

“…Anyway. Moving on. Next bit of advice — the Bat family is _big._ And even though they’ll deny wanting to spend time together, they’re _always there._ So. Just get ready for that.”

 

Colin swallowed. “What do you mean by ‘they’? Which ones?”

 

_“Everyone.”_

 

Colin thought about Red Hood, and then he thought about his _guns,_ and felt his stomach clench. Why did Damian’s family have to be so terrifying? 

 

Well, up until now they’d seemed alright, but would they really be okay with him dating Damian? 

 

Oh God, they were going to kill him.

 

_ (Dami likes cuddling, and holding hands, and his kisses are amazing, remember that!). _

 

“So,” Wally continued, halting any thoughts of bullet wounds, and broken bones, and _pain,_ “moving on — Dick and Damian?” 

 

“What about them?” Colin asked, still somewhat distracted at the possibility of his impending death.

 

“They are like _super_ protective of each other. And Dick talks about Damian, _all the time.”_

 

“Damian’s the same,” Colin said, nodding. Damian would probably deny it, even if you were pointing a gun to his head and demanding that he admit it, but Colin knew it was true. 

 

“Yeah. Well, just get prepared for that, because you’ll probably have some of your dates interrupted because of it.” Wally grimaced. “Damian has crashed _so many_ of our dates that I’ve lost count.” 

 

Colin shrugged. He didn’t think he minded that too much. Dick would sometimes randomly show up, but he was really nice, and Damian always seemed really happy around him (another thing he would definitely deny). 

 

Wally studied Colin’s expression and sighed. “I guess it’s a little different for me, huh? I have to deal with _Damian.”_

 

Colin’s eyes narrowed, and Wally let out an awkward laugh. “Right. I keep forgetting. He’s your boyfriend now.”

 

“And my best friend,” Colin said. He and Damian may of been dating now, but Colin didn’t think it changed their best friend status. “Anything else?” he asked. He glanced at his watch; it'd be time to leave soon - he didn't want to be late. To be honest, he'd really like to leave right now, but he didn’t want to be rude. Wally was a bit weird, but he was nice, and he was the boyfriend of Damian’s favourite brother (although Colin was pretty sure Damian saw that as a reason to _not_ like him).

 

Wally considered this and then grinned. “Oh I know — they’re suckers for all things red-head.”

 

Colin stared, uncomprehending. Wally sighed. “They like red-heads, kid. Dick — dating me. Jason — dating Roy. Damian — dating you.”

 

Colin shrugged. “Tim’s dating Kon, and he’s not a red-head.”

 

“…Look, just go with it, okay?” 

 

Colin shrugged again. “Alright. Can I go now? I’m supposed to meet Damian for lunch soon.” He smiled a bit at the thought of it. 

 

Wally nodded, giving him a fond smile. “Go have a good time kid. Well as good of a time as you can have with — er, never mind. Have fun.”

 

Colin gave him a wide smile and got up from where he'd been sitting on the sofa. As he turned to leave, Dick entered the room. He smiled when he saw him.

 

“Hey Colin! Damian not with you?” 

 

“No, I’m meeting him for lunch,” Colin said. “Wally just wanted to talk to me.”

 

Dick looked confused. Colin guessed it was because he and Wally didn’t speak that often. “Oh? About what?” 

 

Colin considered everything Wally had told him. “He was telling me about how scary it is to date a Bat,” he said at last, deciding that this was the crux of what Wally had been trying to tell him. Wally paled and shot Dick a nervous glance, who raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

 

“Oh?” 

 

“Ha!” Wally said, “what he meant to say was, I was telling him about how _amazing_ it is to date a Bat.” 

 

“But that’s not what you were saying.” Colin frowned slightly, considered what Wally had told him, and then nodded. “Oh wait, yeah, you did say they like red-heads a lot as well.”

 

Wally scowled. “Kid, you are _way_ too honest.”

 

Colin glanced at his watch and his eyes widened. “Oh! I’ve got to go now. Nice talking to you Wally. Bye Dick!”

 

“Bye Colin!” Dick said, giving him a quick wave, and then turned to Wally, crossing his arms in front of him. 

 

Colin walked out of the manor, smiling. He appreciated the effort Wally had gone too, but he didn’t think he needs the warnings. Sure, the Bats could be slightly terrifying, and sure, they might kill him (or come close to, since they had a no-kill policy) but Damian was worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Been a while since I've written a Batfam oneshot. Tell me what you think! :)


End file.
